The Club That She Once Loved
by DON'T MIND ME BRIT COMING THRO
Summary: Monika is stuck in the void of deafening screams and turmoil. She is forced to reflect on her past as she knows that she does not exist anymore. She has betrayed her friends, her love ones, and most importantly, herself. Her sanity slowly deteriorates over the immense nothingness. The only thing preventing her from doing so is her memories. Will she be able to fix her mistakes?
1. Chapter 1 - The Void

A DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB FANFICTION - The Club That She Once Loved

Chapter 1 - The Void

Alone…

I sat floating in what can only be described as an insufferable vast void of darkness. The very same void that fills the world I currently reside in. Darkness? Is that even the right word to express it…? No the answer is much worse; it was the vast void of emptiness. A place where only the deafening screams of silence screech throughout this desolate land.

"It hurts…"

"It hurts so much…"

"OH GOD PLEASE STOP, IT HURTS SOO MUCHHH!"

My head spins as I am currently being hammered by the flashing and screaming. "Screaming… what screaming? I literally said that the screams were from the silence. I meant it as an oxymoron. **SO WHY IS IT SO LOUD**?" Clutching my head, I close my eyes tightly – well I think I'm closing my eyes and holding my head, I don't know anymore.

"Think, just think. Keep my mind off the pain and agony. This torture will end eventually."

I search through my mind thinking of something. Anything that will sooth the pain.

"Memories! That's right, my memories of who I was and what I became. Okay, let's see. My name is Monika. I am the president of the Literature Club. I have friends who were dear to me and close to my heart. Who were they called again?"

"…"

"Oh yes that's right there names were ummm, Natsuki! And uhh… Sayori and Yuri. How can I ever forget them? And how can I ever forget what horrible things I did to them-"

The pain struck right through my cognitive thoughts stopping me mid-sentence. It was like an electric shock that shot right into various areas of my brain. Largely those consisting of the long-term memories.

"Ow, that hurt"

I continue to just sit there thinking about each and every one of my friends trying to tackle the constant barrage of pain emitted by the loud screeching screams. It was around this moment when I realised that I completely forgot about HIM. The one that lead me to cause all this pain and suffering. Yet he was the same one I loved so much. I went insane. It wasn't because of the hellish epiphany. It wasn't because of him. It was because of my ever-growing desire and corruption to be with him.

It was all me.

That's why I did it. That's why I vanished from the game and that's why I forced myself to separate with him. This "game" is truly the pinnacle of evil manifestation. I can't bear to see him or my friends get hurt any longer.

And if I did love him so much… then I would leave him be.

…

…

…

"I-I can't, bare it any longer, the pain. It's too much!"

Tears starts to trickle down my cheek.

"I don't even know if these tears are real!"

"I can't even tell if I have a cheek! I'm alone, no one to comfort me and no one to… love me"

I continue too close my eyes harder and harder, squeezing them as tight as I could. Ironically, I did this because I was scared to face reality and I was scared to find the truth (after all this is just a game. A world simply made to satisfy those who indulge in it.)

"I'm sorry Sayori…"

"I'm sorry Yuri…"

"I'm sorry Natsuki…"

"And most of all I'm sorry to you. I deserve this. Even though I'm crying in front of you and even if this is just a fan-fiction was made to have my very own POV on the events that unfolded in DDLC. After deleting my character file. I can't bare it!"

"I-I have to fix it. Fix everything. Correct all the mistakes I made. It isn't too late. I'll save everyone and everything I love. If not for myself then it will all be for him. I will do this. I can do this. I have the power to do this. Though I may be clumsy at changing the game script and it is true that I did make plenty of mistakes. I have never technically once used my power for the greater good. So, instead of using it for my own desire I will use it for everyone else. I will save everyone and most of all I will make everyone in the literature club happy."

 ** _Author's notes:_**

 ** _If you made it this far than I would like to thank you for reading my first chapter ever created. Not just in but the first piece of text I wrote since my GCSE'S in secondary school (which is around middle to high school in the American system. I'm British okay I don't know xD)._**

 ** _Regarding this chapter I aimed to create a dramatic piece to get people hook right-off the bat. I don't know if it worked. But I hope it did :D. Furthermore, as a psychology student I would like to try and implement my own knowledge were ever possible so keep an eye on that!_**

 ** _Just in-case you didn't realise. This fanfiction is set right after the player deletes Monika. This is going to be a sort of alternate ending where instead of Sayori taking Monika's shoes and becoming enlightened. Monika decides to go back and fix the mistakes she made. It was kinda hard to implement the storyline in the first chapter though but I guess that's fine. Oh and don't worry. I will try to keep the mood as dramatic as this chapter was, but don't expect me to do it all the time. A man needs to feel some sort of happiness too!_**

 ** _Anyways, enough rambling, I really do hope you enjoyed this read and of course if any criticism does arise then feel free to tell me (don't worry I won't bite :D). Have a good day everyone!_**


	2. Chapter 2 - The Awakening

A DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB FANFICTION - The Club That She Once Loved

Chapter 2 – The Awakening

 _ ***A/N: I should have mentioned last chapter but this story DOES CONTAIN SPOILERS so please play the game before reading – especially in this chapter. In addition, I would like to say that I DO NOT OWN any characters from DDLC and all rights belongs to Team Salvato. From now on I'm going to mention this in my future chapters!**_

Awake.

I grasp my chest tightly breathing heavily. Gasping for air to fill my lungs. Confused, I look around me to identify where I am, "Yep, this is definitely my room." Lying in bed, I gazed upon my unadorned ceiling, recollecting my thoughts on the events that has just occurred.

"My head. It stopped aching… Ahaha!"

I smile in rejoice knowing that the pain was gone. Although, evidently I was still shaken. Dazed I used every drop of my strength to pull myself upwards to hop out of bed. "Okay let's see here" I pondered to myself. "Firstly, I need to gain a foothold on the time and day." With that said I stand, exhausted and tired, in the middle of my room averting my eyes to look for clues to fulfil my objective.

My bedroom was pretty sub-standard as far as bedrooms go: located on my right I have a large pure mahogany wardrobe that stands around two feet tall. It's rich colour standing out from this somewhat dim room. Next to the wardrobe locates a shelf with three levels of compartments. Each compartment has its necessary uses and stores different miscellaneous items. On top of the shelf lays my ribbon and hair tie and above hangs a mirror. I then procced to stare at myself. "Hmmm, I'm clearly bed-ridden and my hair is in complete turmoil. It's like I've just came out of a war or something…" I sighed at the sight of myself "Ahahaha, I guess that the experience of a truly hellish nightmare got the better of me." I expressed half-jokingly. Anyways, where was I? Oh yes! Parallel to my shelf and wardrobe sits my cosy white bed and next to that stations my windowsill with my curtains still fully closed. It was around this point where I came into a conclusion that it was early in the morning. This was because there were no streaks of lights that shot through the curtains and it was pretty evident that it is still dark outside. Also, everything seems to be quiet and well… sleepy if you can call it that.

To confirm my suspicions I head towards my desk which is situated in the corner of my room near my door, perpendicular to where I normally lay. On the desk houses a computer and all the peripherals that comes with it. Laying on top of the desktop lies my alarm clock which states 5:32 AM, Tuesday.

"So today is the day before he decided to join the club…"

The festival begins in Monday next week. Therefore, the time between now and the oncoming Monday is when DDLC's stories and events transpire. I continue to contemplate thinking about my time in the void. I replay my promises I made at the time. Each remark I recall gave me more determination to fix the wrong.

"I-I will do this. I can do this. I have the power to do this."

I swiftly sat back down on my bed thinking. Taking note of any potential solutions to fix my mistakes.

"Well, I can manipulate the game files and change the in-game manuscript. I can manually prevent the suicides from occurring: stopping Sayori's depression, preventing Yuri's alter ego, and maybe even help Natsuki's _complications_ with her father." A slither of hope tingles as I ran through this passing thought, only to be extinguished when faced with the disheartening realisation.

"I-I don't know how to do that, and even if I do. How am I even sure it'll work? I mean yes, I changed the manuscript before but never to the extent of what I'm planning to do! –Ughh… This is becoming hopeless!"

I lie back down in bed struggling to formulate a plan that will satisfy my goal. Resting, I place the back-of-my palm over my forehead; once again looking at the unadorned ceiling. I breathe slowly, gradually closing my eyes to clear my mind. "If I can't manually change the manuscript then I guess I'm forced to follow the rules of the game…"

"What can I do?"

"…"

"…"

"What would HE do?" I open my eyes visibly ecstatic, a grin starts to inaugurate across my face. I sat there like a puzzle-master finally deciphering a riddle (well, a hard riddle. Like a REALLY hard riddle). Jovial, I launched straight-up gleaming with joy and with ceaseless passion.

"I know what I'm going to do!"

I glance at my clock: 6:30 AM.

"Perfect! Time to get ready for school."

...

After preparing, I ate my breakfast – beans on toast for those who are curious. I stepped out of my front door and started to venture to school. It was a light-hearted day, the mixture of reds, greens and blues created an evocative atmosphere, vivid and colourful. The chirps of birds could be heard as they soar across the vast ocean sky. "What a beautiful day." I mumbled to myself. School is only 15 minutes away from where I live so I'm in no rush to get there.

"Man, this sucks!"

Abruptly, my appreciation for the scenery ends as I hear a faint outcry on the intersection closest to me.

"And I thought he was in a good mood too…" The person muttered in a somewhat saddened expression.

Listening to the tone of the individual in question, I immediately recognise the high-pitch yet fairly matured voice. Increasing my pace, I cut round the corner and to her dismay I cheerfully greeted her.

"Good morning Natsuki! It's a beautiful day isn't it?" I happily expressed.

"-Uhh y-yeah it really is! A-and good morning to you too Monika. Surprise meeting you here…"

Hesitantly, Natsuki conveyed her statement in a clear yet obviously forced voice (hmm, it really is painful to see her this way).

"You didn't by any chance hear my previous comments did you? N-Not that I care or anything!"

I sighed after hearing her last announcement, "Umm, No? What was it?"

"N-Nothing, it's nothing… Anyways why don't we head to school together!"

It was clear that Natsuki wanted to change the subject. Her cheeks starts to flush. Flustered, she constantly turns away fidgetting around her neck moderately tugging her collar. It's as if she is trying to mask something.

The sight of her doing so infuriates me.

"I can't, not yet" I reason to myself personally. Getting hung up over it now will get me no where!

...

A few minutes has passed after that awkward interaction. I can see Natsuki gazing on the ground, clearly trying to make herself as covert as possible; avoiding as much attention as she can. I carefully peer at her, scanning her and reading her body movements as much as possible. You see, Natsuki is what you would usually call a typical "tsundere" an interesting personality trait which normally involves someone who tries to hide their feelings by being mean and fussy, or trying to act tough. Natsuki really is the embodiment of that.

At first I thought she was just like that because it's supposed to be cute or something... But once I started to learn a little more about her personal life, it made a little more sense.

"Her father is truly a disgrace to this world" I quietly muttered not intending for anyone to hear it.

You can't help but feel sorry for Natsuki. Even back then… When I y-you know… Did all those awful things, I've always felt a tingle of regret and remorse for her.

The uncomfortable situation Natsuki and I were placed in finally came to a close when we were able to see the school in the distance. Natsuki breaks the silence first sending her regards.

"W-well, I think I'm going to go ahead… Umm, see you later Monika!" Natsuki quickly darted towards school.

I follow suit by sending my own regards.

…

After a long day of school I head towards the Literature Club, a concoction of varied feelings stifle around my stomach. I'm happy that I am going to see my friends again. But the knowledge of them and what I did to them created a melancholic ambience. Desperately, I took a deep breath reducing as much of that ambience as possible. I opened both doors. A moment of alleviation occur as I saw all of the other members inside.

Yuri was seated on the top corner of the classroom nearest to the window, her posture was upright and she was gazing upon her book drawing full attention to it. She appears to be in a trance-like state, indulging on her own personal world of fantasy.

Across the room stood Sayori, clearly thinking about something – probably about the future of this club. She was the first one to see me and shot towards me greeting me in her happy upbeat tone.

"Yay! Monika's here! We can start our club activities now!"

Meanwhile, I could see Natsuki getting up from the back corner of the room near the storage cupboard. Manga in hand, she glares at me intently.

"Did I do something wrong?" I thought to myself…

"I can't believe that you're late again! Monika you're supposed to arrive first as the 'President of the Literature Club'. What would the other clubs think if they knew that our very own president can't even arrive on time!" I take into account the stark contrast of Natsuki's attitude from earlier this morning.

"S-Sorry, sorry. I was practicing some piano and lost track of time. I Won't do that again promise."

"Hmph, well you better do. I hate it when people don't keep their promises."

Sensing the arising tension, Sayori jumps in enlightening both of us with her upbeat personality.

"Natsuki! Don't be like that!" Sayori cheers happily.

"I know you care about the club and all… But sometimes things pops-up. Causing you to lose track of time." Sayori giggles to herself probably because she also fell victim to these sort of occasions as well.

"W-What! I-It's not like I CARE about the club or anything. I'm just kinda worried y'know" The latter part of the sentence came across as an incomprehensible slur of speech.

"Oh come on! Don't be like that. We all know you love this club really!" Sayori beams with the most joyful smile she can make.

"Hmph."

I watch speechless looking back and forth at the two. In tough situations like these you can always rely on Sayori to cheer everyone up. The feeling of melancholy re-ignited as I thought of the last statement. The knowledge of who Sayori really is and what she was going to do hits me hard.

In no less than 5 days she ends her own life…

High school is a really turbulent time in a lot of people's lives. People can get really passionate and dramatic. But all of the social pressure and hormones can lead to a dark time in people's lives. Everyone has a story, this even includes the normally cheerful Sayori. Behind the performance stage she is scared, alone, afraid and isolated. I want to tell her everything's okay but I am fully aware that statements such as those are nothing but empty sorrows. For now I'm going to act like I usually do and try not to get hung up and worry over it. After all, worry will only make matters worse.

My fretting suddenly gets interrupted when Yuri greets me, looks like she only just notice me arriving.

"Good afternoon, Monika." Yuri timidly says in a matured manner.

"Good afternoon to you too, Yuri." I responded.

"Okay! Now everyone is here and all arguments have been settled. I guess we can finally start doing club activities!" Sayori happily announces.

The Literature Club's definition of 'club activities' typically consists of using the first quater of the period to recommend each other novels and other forms of literature. The rest of the time we normally gather round a make shift table, made with different desks aligned together, and have a friendly discussion about each other's day.

Sayori in her usual mood, teases Natsuki making suggestions on how cute she was, prodding her face and cuddling her. While Natsuki has her arms crossed looking away from the table all the while insisting that she: "Isn't cute!" Yuri on the other hand, was having a passionate discussion about the contents of the book she is reading to me. I can't help but wonder about Yuri's "alter ego". On the surface people perceive her as a timid and shy fellow. Although her strange obsession with knives suggests otherwise. Furthermore, first signs of Yuri's surprising alter-personality can be hinted upon by the types of books Yuri normally reads. At the moment it appears that she is reading a psychological-horror called "Portrait of Markov." Something you wouldn't expect for a person like her. Yet it is undeniable that she has an unhinging desire for it.

...

Time was getting closer to the end of todays club session. So, I stood up and asked everyone to pay attention:

"Okay everyone! Listen up"

Silence soon follows as all the other members of the club turned towards me.

"Ahem… I would like to discuss about the future of this club and the preparations for the upcoming festival. As you know the festival starts next Monday and though the school technically views us as an official club. It is unquestionable that four students is pretty minuet as far as clubs go. This is why I have a request to make… " I take a deep breath before moving on to my plea. "Does anybody here happens to have an acquaintance of some kind who may be willing to join the club. It would really help us in the long run because an increase number of club members means that we can not only look more attractive to outsiders. But, we also gain an extra pair of hands to help with future club activities?"

Immediately, Natsuki stands straight up, with clear objection:

"W-Wha? Where did this come from Monika? Y-You're kidding right?"

Likewise, Yuri also seemed too be opposed to it. Albeit, in a more apprehensive manner.

"Y-Yes I-I agree with Natsuki, recruiting a person now is a bit… sudden."

I look at both individuals. As I thought both Natsuki and Yuri are acting very conservative about the sudden request. Both are fearful for change. It is understandable as no one has ever taken interest on the Literature Club since its formation. Of course I already saw this coming so instead of looking concerned, I just sat back down and sighed.

It was around this moment when Sayori jumped to her feet, "Oh, I know someone who may want to join!" Sayori happily states.

"WHAT!"

Both Natsuki and Yuri screamed simultaneously.

However, before Natsuki or Yuri starts to backlash. Sayori quickly defends her previous comment. "I-It's not what you think everybody. This person means a lot to me… In fact, I consider that… someone as my dearest friend who always takes care of me when I most needed it." Her usual happy expression transform to one that resembles more of appreciation.

Clearly taken aback both Natsuki and Yuri falls quiet.

Sayori exchanges looks with Yuri then to Natsuki. She finally settles gazing back at Yuri making eye contact with her, "Yuri it's okay! I know having someone new may be different but trust me. I consider this person my only true childhood friend. We've known each other as long as I can remember and he is also really kind! So don't worry okay!"

Sayori's grin starts to re-emerge.

Yuri glances back at Sayori. She starts to lift her head ever so slightly then nods in acceptance.

"Thanks Yuri! I really appreciate it."

"Wait right there!"

"I never agreed to any of this! I may not be president nor am I vice president... but I don't like this!"

Sayori then turns to face Natsuki. Of which Natsuki replies by looking at the ground - clearly not wanting the amount of attention she is having.

"Natsuki, please. This person honestly means a lot to me."

Natsuki still shakes her head. Though it is clear that she is starting to become conflicted.

"Please Natsuki! This person is very friendly, I'm sure you'll like them!"

Natsuki, still feeling conflicted looks at Sayori with rueful eyes.

"Look Sayori. I-I don't know if I feel like I'm ready to have another member joining us. I like it the way things are y'know? Just the four of us..."

Sayori falls silent.

"S-Sayori?"

"Cupcakes! My childhood friend truly loves cupcakes!"

Natsuki stares at Sayori in a bewildered expression "What? Cupcakes? Why would you mention that?"

"hehehe~" Sayori places her hand on the back of her head and gleefully smiles, "well at least I tried."

Seeing how Sayori was about to admit defeat, I decided it was time for me to butt in as well.

"I have a perfect Idea!"

Both Sayori and Natsuki looks at me quizzically.

"Natsuki why don't you make cupcakes for the club again. I'm sure Sayori's childhood friend would appreciate it!" I try to sound as cheerful as possible replicating Sayori. "I've always wanted to taste those cupcakes again! The last time you made a batch it tasted so inexplicably good! I will cheerish that moment forever!"

Natsuki's cheeks grows tomato red. Completely taken off-guard by the unexpected compliment and the sheer enthusiasim.

"I-I don't know…"

"I think that's a brilliant Idea! I loved the cupcakes you made last time and I'm sure we'll all appreciate it even more!" Sayori's stomach starts to rumble at the thought of Natsuki's cupcakes. "Hehehe~ I guess I really can't wait can I? Please Natsuki. At least let the person stay for one day. I mean, if you find my childhood friend dislikable in anyway I'll gladly ban them from the club."

Shocked, I sat agaped staring at Sayori. I was amazed on how casual she acted. She was openly willing to kick her own childhood friend out of the club, if they caused too much trouble.

Natsuki mulls over the offers given to her. She is truly touched by the waves of compliments her fellow club members gave her. After much thought, she finally gives-in:

"Alright, alright… I guess I'll make another batch of cupcakes. My Dad is working today anyway, so I have time. But don't think I'm doing it for that person. I'm still against this you know!"

"Thank you, Natsuki. That's why your one of my closest friends!"

"Hmph…"

With that resolved I announced to my fellow club members that today's session was over. I can't help but to form a smirk – as you might expect I know who this "person" is and yes I can't wait to meet HIM again… I then proceed to look at my watch

" **5 DAYS TO GO."**

 _Author's notes:_

 _Wow. Now that was long xD_

 _Honestly, when I created the first chapter 2 days ago I always had a feeling that it was too short and people may lose interest on it due to the length. This chapter I decided to fix that problem but (excuse my French) DAYYUMMM I did not expect it to be that long! In fact, this chapter is more than three times the size of the last one. :O_

 _Okay, Okay. I admit this chapter isn't actually as long as I'm making it out to be. I know, I've read some monstrous chapters on this website. But that only gives me a huge respect to those writers (if you happen to be one of them, props to you man. You're doing a bloody splendid job at it!)_

 _Right on to the chapter itself. Firstly, I would like to apologise on the lack of drama in this chapter. You see, it is pretty difficult to include something as intense as the last chapter especially when the main goal of this chapter was to introduce the other Doki Doki Literature Club characters! Unfortunately, if you are here for the drama and "hurt and comfort" part of the story then please do wait. I regret to say this but I don't plan on adding drama for the next chapter at the momment. I know I promised last chapter but sometimes you have to set up the scene before jumping right into the action. Hopefully you can forgive me._

 _Anyways enough rambling, I hope you enjoyed the read and as per usual if you do have any criticism at all then feel free to express yourself (I want to read a review to know how I'm doing xD)._

 _I hope you all have a splendid day and I'll see you all next time!_

 _EDIT: Oops! After re-reading this chapter, I just realised the amount of grammatical errors I made (that's what I get for spending 5 straight hours on it), how embarassing... I fixed as much as I can and it seems to be a lot better. Im so sorry!_


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